Hello My Readers,
(all one of you)
Fairytales are unbelievable, they're hard to believe, but yet they're one of the most amazing things. I believe in them. I believe that true love exists. I believe with a little bit of trust, faith, and pixie dust that we can fly. I believe that everyone has a fairy godmother, we call them best friends, but still we have one. The thing about it, fairytales exist in their own little ways.
I think everyone who risks a little will end up with a happily ever after.
What is a world without fairytales, once upon a time, or happily ever after? It'd be a pretty bland life without hope of true love. I think we all have soul mates that one day we meet and never let go of. And even if it isnt real, what does it matter, isn't hope enough?
Anyways thats my philosophy for the day.
Love,
Me
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Living a Lie
Have you ever had that feeling that you're the only one who knows the truth?
Like you're the only truthful person in the world?
The only one not living a lie?
Or maybe you feel like you're the one lying.
You see know point in telling everyone the truth because it hurts too much.
I know I've seen the horrors of both sides.
I don't know how many times I've sat in class or at home and thought about all the lies I told people that day. The most popular one is saying, "I'm fine" when really I just need a shoulder to cry on. There's been days that I have told my best friends things no one else knows and they just stood there shocked. I've lied to them too. Everyone in my life I have lied to at one point or another. I know that sounds horrible, but somethings are better left unsaid.
Lately I have been living a lie. I've been walking around with a heavy heart and pretending that it is happy being alone. Truth is, I feel like I am being truthful about it. I dont sit with this happy smile on my face, but rather a single look that changes with its surroundings. I call it my Truthful Lie. It is the lie I tell when I can't be truthful. I act the way that allows me to fade in the background because then no one will ask the one question I can't stand to hear. Are you okay?
Okay, I know I am rambling so let me cut to the chase. No one should have to live like I do. I shouldn't have to lie to everyone to keep my feelings under wrap. Thankfully, I have this blog and one of my amazing best friends to talk to. Other girls out there, boy too, and adults deal with these secrets that devour them, little by little. They don't tell anyone about it because then they have to explain all the lies. So instead they coop up the secrets, the lies, the hurt, the pain, everything. And they sit on it. Some will cry at night when no ones around. Others will choose to just ignore their secrets and wish them away. No matter what they do though, those secrets will eat at them over time. Then one day it happens. They break. No one can estimate the time they'll break, but it'll happen unexpectedly and nothing will be able to stop it.
I know this because it's happened to me. I kept something hidden for so long, I had started to lie to myself about the secret I possessed. And like I said, I broke. No where to go, but up because I had hit rock bottom. So I did the one thing I could, I ran from my problems, again. And again I broke a few weeks later. It had gotten so bad that every time I had a problem I wouldn't face it and I started hurting myself.
I wouldn't eat. I'd cry myself to sleep almost every night. Sometimes I'd think about horrid things. And the whole time I couldn't stop because I couldn't deal with the fact that I was living a lie. I still live one, but I always make sure to let someone know the truth. Maybe mix it in with my conversation or tell my best friend what's going on. It keeps me from drowning in the stories I make up.
It helps and that's all that matters. Truth be told, I walk around school and I have this huge smile on my face when I pass people I can't stand, because they're my "friends". I act strong around the guy I like that decided we're better off not dating, because he is my BEST friend. Then I let the tears, pain, and lies spill as I hug this girl, because she is my OTHER best friend. And she is the sole reason why I can live a lie everyday. She makes living a truthful lie possible. It's being able to lie to everyone because you can be truthful with a single person.
Don't hold it all in.
Trust me, it'll kill you in the end.
Until Next Time,
<3 Kay
Like you're the only truthful person in the world?
The only one not living a lie?
Or maybe you feel like you're the one lying.
You see know point in telling everyone the truth because it hurts too much.
I know I've seen the horrors of both sides.
I don't know how many times I've sat in class or at home and thought about all the lies I told people that day. The most popular one is saying, "I'm fine" when really I just need a shoulder to cry on. There's been days that I have told my best friends things no one else knows and they just stood there shocked. I've lied to them too. Everyone in my life I have lied to at one point or another. I know that sounds horrible, but somethings are better left unsaid.
Lately I have been living a lie. I've been walking around with a heavy heart and pretending that it is happy being alone. Truth is, I feel like I am being truthful about it. I dont sit with this happy smile on my face, but rather a single look that changes with its surroundings. I call it my Truthful Lie. It is the lie I tell when I can't be truthful. I act the way that allows me to fade in the background because then no one will ask the one question I can't stand to hear. Are you okay?
Okay, I know I am rambling so let me cut to the chase. No one should have to live like I do. I shouldn't have to lie to everyone to keep my feelings under wrap. Thankfully, I have this blog and one of my amazing best friends to talk to. Other girls out there, boy too, and adults deal with these secrets that devour them, little by little. They don't tell anyone about it because then they have to explain all the lies. So instead they coop up the secrets, the lies, the hurt, the pain, everything. And they sit on it. Some will cry at night when no ones around. Others will choose to just ignore their secrets and wish them away. No matter what they do though, those secrets will eat at them over time. Then one day it happens. They break. No one can estimate the time they'll break, but it'll happen unexpectedly and nothing will be able to stop it.
I know this because it's happened to me. I kept something hidden for so long, I had started to lie to myself about the secret I possessed. And like I said, I broke. No where to go, but up because I had hit rock bottom. So I did the one thing I could, I ran from my problems, again. And again I broke a few weeks later. It had gotten so bad that every time I had a problem I wouldn't face it and I started hurting myself.
I wouldn't eat. I'd cry myself to sleep almost every night. Sometimes I'd think about horrid things. And the whole time I couldn't stop because I couldn't deal with the fact that I was living a lie. I still live one, but I always make sure to let someone know the truth. Maybe mix it in with my conversation or tell my best friend what's going on. It keeps me from drowning in the stories I make up.
It helps and that's all that matters. Truth be told, I walk around school and I have this huge smile on my face when I pass people I can't stand, because they're my "friends". I act strong around the guy I like that decided we're better off not dating, because he is my BEST friend. Then I let the tears, pain, and lies spill as I hug this girl, because she is my OTHER best friend. And she is the sole reason why I can live a lie everyday. She makes living a truthful lie possible. It's being able to lie to everyone because you can be truthful with a single person.
Don't hold it all in.
Trust me, it'll kill you in the end.
Until Next Time,
<3 Kay
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Letters
Hello Darlings,
Letters. They're these magical and wonderful things that let all the words in our hearts be spilled out in ink and paper. They're the secret keepers that we hide away in the depths of junk drawers or under beds. They're the moments, the feelings, the lies that we never want to forget. Letters are all that is left unsaid.
So I'm one of those people who have become a professional letter writer. I write them anytime I lie to someone about how I feel. I've written them to confess to a lie I told my teach once. There's the numerous ones I've written to my best girlfriend when she mad me soooo mad. And then everyone's favorites, the many, many, MANY love letters that I have written, but never sent. They hide away in my notebooks, in my backpack, and my personal favorite, an online website for everyone to read. The truth is: the best place to hide a love letter is in the wide open space because that is the one place that the person you're writing to won't look. Trust me I know.
So these letters, why do we write them? I mean sometimes we have to for a class or a job, but what about those letters we write because we want to? Do we really have a choice or is it such a need to write your heart's wishes down that we can't stop ourselves? In my opinion, you have no control over it. You do however, have control on the letter itself. I know that every time I sit down to write a letter I put everything into it, as if I might actually send it. I never do, but just in case I make sure every tiny little detail is in there. I do know of some people though that just spit out whatever they can to compose a letter because that way their thoughts are out and they didn't waste anytime. That's fine, but it's not me.
For the purpose of this post I have decided to include a letter. I'm not sure why, but this is what came to mind.
Dear Whoever it May Concern,
To those who find pleasure in bullying. I'm fragile. My heart is also fragile. Every single word, action, or thought that I know of yours will affect me. I won't show it, but believe me, if it's hurtful, I'll cry. So choose your words carefully and remember that you are hurting me, but also yourself. You think it feels good to hurt others, but I'll grow up strong and you'll grow up feeling powerful. Then one day someone else is going to knock you on your butt and you'll have nothing. And I will have everything.
To those who think they may love me. You either do or you dont, there is no in between. If you love me then tell me no matter how scared you are, because chances are that I love you too and I'm scared just like you. Please if you don't love me then let me go. Don't drag me along and play with my heart. You're just going to waste both of our times. And it's okay to break my heart, but dont be spiteful while doing it.
And finally to those who are my friends. Don't lie to me without a good reason. Please don't forget me even if we end on a horrible note. Love me for me and expect nothing more or less. Push me to the edge of my capability. Through tears, hugs, broken hearts, family crisis, death, and distance don't ever leave me. If you do all these things I'll return the favor, for friends are the sole reason any of us survive this thing called life.
With Love,
A Teenage Girl
Until next time,
Kay
Letters. They're these magical and wonderful things that let all the words in our hearts be spilled out in ink and paper. They're the secret keepers that we hide away in the depths of junk drawers or under beds. They're the moments, the feelings, the lies that we never want to forget. Letters are all that is left unsaid.
So I'm one of those people who have become a professional letter writer. I write them anytime I lie to someone about how I feel. I've written them to confess to a lie I told my teach once. There's the numerous ones I've written to my best girlfriend when she mad me soooo mad. And then everyone's favorites, the many, many, MANY love letters that I have written, but never sent. They hide away in my notebooks, in my backpack, and my personal favorite, an online website for everyone to read. The truth is: the best place to hide a love letter is in the wide open space because that is the one place that the person you're writing to won't look. Trust me I know.
So these letters, why do we write them? I mean sometimes we have to for a class or a job, but what about those letters we write because we want to? Do we really have a choice or is it such a need to write your heart's wishes down that we can't stop ourselves? In my opinion, you have no control over it. You do however, have control on the letter itself. I know that every time I sit down to write a letter I put everything into it, as if I might actually send it. I never do, but just in case I make sure every tiny little detail is in there. I do know of some people though that just spit out whatever they can to compose a letter because that way their thoughts are out and they didn't waste anytime. That's fine, but it's not me.
For the purpose of this post I have decided to include a letter. I'm not sure why, but this is what came to mind.
Dear Whoever it May Concern,
To those who find pleasure in bullying. I'm fragile. My heart is also fragile. Every single word, action, or thought that I know of yours will affect me. I won't show it, but believe me, if it's hurtful, I'll cry. So choose your words carefully and remember that you are hurting me, but also yourself. You think it feels good to hurt others, but I'll grow up strong and you'll grow up feeling powerful. Then one day someone else is going to knock you on your butt and you'll have nothing. And I will have everything.
To those who think they may love me. You either do or you dont, there is no in between. If you love me then tell me no matter how scared you are, because chances are that I love you too and I'm scared just like you. Please if you don't love me then let me go. Don't drag me along and play with my heart. You're just going to waste both of our times. And it's okay to break my heart, but dont be spiteful while doing it.
And finally to those who are my friends. Don't lie to me without a good reason. Please don't forget me even if we end on a horrible note. Love me for me and expect nothing more or less. Push me to the edge of my capability. Through tears, hugs, broken hearts, family crisis, death, and distance don't ever leave me. If you do all these things I'll return the favor, for friends are the sole reason any of us survive this thing called life.
With Love,
A Teenage Girl
Until next time,
Kay
Friday, October 14, 2011
Beautiful Life
Hello Everyone,
Welcome to my blog, or my attempt at a blog. I want to start out by explaining the title of my blog. Bellus Vita means "beautiful life" in Latin. Since I wasn't one hundred percent sure what I was going to be writing about I decided that I couldn't go wrong with the title. We all live a beautiful life, finding that out though is a whole other story. So let's begin.
I'm just a teenage girl trying to find her place in this world. My best friend is a guy who I am crushing on and who happens to like me back. (No this isn't a happily ever after story, trust me.) My other best friend has a set of problems all her own, but she's amazing. Together they are probably the most incredible people in my life, they're what keeps me above water. I have two parents who are somehow still together in a world full of divorced couples. Yes, we have our fights and I hate living with them, but I love them. The rest of my life is filled with what I love to do most...writing and helping. That is the sole purpose of this blog. I am bound and determined to use my passion to write and help those out there who just need a helping hand, even when that helping hand is nothing more than a wishful thinker.
I write for no one else, but myself. And I will be happy if in the end I only help myself and one other person, because that means I changed one person's life and not everyone can say that.
Until Next Time,
<3 Kay
Welcome to my blog, or my attempt at a blog. I want to start out by explaining the title of my blog. Bellus Vita means "beautiful life" in Latin. Since I wasn't one hundred percent sure what I was going to be writing about I decided that I couldn't go wrong with the title. We all live a beautiful life, finding that out though is a whole other story. So let's begin.
I'm just a teenage girl trying to find her place in this world. My best friend is a guy who I am crushing on and who happens to like me back. (No this isn't a happily ever after story, trust me.) My other best friend has a set of problems all her own, but she's amazing. Together they are probably the most incredible people in my life, they're what keeps me above water. I have two parents who are somehow still together in a world full of divorced couples. Yes, we have our fights and I hate living with them, but I love them. The rest of my life is filled with what I love to do most...writing and helping. That is the sole purpose of this blog. I am bound and determined to use my passion to write and help those out there who just need a helping hand, even when that helping hand is nothing more than a wishful thinker.
I write for no one else, but myself. And I will be happy if in the end I only help myself and one other person, because that means I changed one person's life and not everyone can say that.
Until Next Time,
<3 Kay
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